Happiness and heartbreak

We are so overwhelmed with all the support of our family, friends and even strangers. Obviously as everyone knows we were on cloud nine for almost 36 hours, thinking we finally had our dreams of becoming a family come true.

It was the best day of our life followed by the worst day. On June 21st we went to the hospital at about 6 pm to meet who we thought would be our son. We were able to spend a couple of hours with him on the 21st, and on the 22nd we took him home, which was full of family waiting to meet their new little family member.  The house was full of balloons, a cake, family, friends, gifts etc. June 22nd was a day full of emotions... We were on cloud nine, but still worried and hoping the birth family was doing okay. We refrained from posting too many pictures and updates to social media to be mindful of T&A. We cared about their feelings and thought seeing our happiness may hurt them.

We spent that night and the next day taking care or our new little one and sending as many pictures and updates as we could to T and A. Obviously sending these updates scared us, but we wanted to show them we weren't lying about how open we were going to be with them. We had a fear that updates would hurt T and A, but our counselor and T assured us updates would help. We aren't sure if the updates had anything to do with the change of heart.

The first night went well, everyone went home after they met him and we got our first real alone time. We set our alarm for feedings and rocked our little one to sleep.

He went to sleep and around 1:30 our alarm went off. We both excitedly woke up and did what we had been waiting to do. Jordan fed him as I got diapers and wipes ready. We sat up in our bed just staring at this amazing boy in our arms. The rest of a night we tag teamed, cuddling all three of us.. however both of us were too excited to sleep. 

The next day was just spent the three of us. Adjusting, learning , falling in love.. We finally posted an announcement due to many people requesting it. We thought not posting anything may make us seem ungrateful, but in reality we were just worried about T &A's feelings.. But we posted the announcement in hopes it would show our love for them and our new little addition. 

The next night we did amazing. Honestly I didn't know I could love my husband any more then I already did. My love for him multiplied as I saw him take care of me and our child.  Seeing him take charge and with no sleep stay up and rock his child was the most amazing feeling. He kept telling me to try to get some sleep, he will stay up with him. I tried to sleep, I couldn't. I just wanted to stay awake for every moment. He finally forced me to try and sleep.. I'd get up to check on them, and they were cuddling and rocking in the nursery. The most precious sight I had ever seen.

We tag teamed the rest of the night and we were both up and good for the day at about 9 am. We were getting the coffee ready and Jordan was rocking with Tayden cuddling when my phone rang. Jordan told me it said Stillwater, MN, so I knew it was our counselor. Praying it was just a call to check in I answered it. I walked toward the office and said hello. The tone of voice was obvious to me. The rest of the conversation was a blur. I just remember watching my husband rock and kiss our child as I was being told over the phone that he was going to be taken from us. He had no idea what was happening...

Obviously we were in shock; crying, grieving, holding him tight. I called my mom right away and she and the rest of the family all left work and showed up at our house within 20 minutes so we wouldn't have to go through it alone. Jordan's family left work right away too, however they had much farther to drive. They asked us to stall so they could say their goodbyes and be with us, so my mom went out to talk to the counselor and requested she wait for a half hour or so. We all said a prayer for him, us and his family.

It's the worst pain in the world handing over what you thought was your son. We had plans and dreams for our family moving forward, and to have him taken away is and was one of the worst thing that has ever happened to us. 

We are sharing pictures to show what we didn't ever get to show... Our happiness we had for our two days with him.

coming "home"

arrival

Night one

Our last picture of him when we thought he was ours. 

My sister took this when we were saying our goodbyes. At first I hated it because it was a reminder of us just coming out of the office with him bawling..but it is part of our story. 

We know he is loved where he is, so it is a different kind of loss..but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
We know there is a reason for everything, and we are desperately searching for that reason. God has a plan..and we trying to regain hope that plan is parenthood.

Getting ready!

Words can't describe how blessed we feel. As much as we have wanted to share every waking moment with our followers, we have been so extremely busy trying to get our home and lives set up for a little one! We do plan to tell you more to our story of meeting T and A, but we want to respect them and make sure it's okay with both of them before we do so!  :-)

In the meantime, we can give you an update on what we have been working on!

Our families plan to throw us a shower after baby Gerads comes home! This is exciting because then everyone will get to meet him and see us as well! The showers will be like an open house for everyone that has been supporting us through this journey! We hope to see you there!!

On the other hand, a shower one month after baby Gerads is due causes us to get a lot of things upfront that we will need to get through that month :) We have been trying to deal shop like crazy! 

Somethings we have been working on have been:

1. Tribal approval- T has a very small percentage of Native American heritage in her. This caused us to seek approval from the specific tribes in which her ancestors belonged. We finally obtained the last tribal band's approval last week!

2. Nursery Closet- Well it is finally finished!

3. Home Study yearly update- Baby Gerads is due TWO days after our home study expires. If he comes early we do not have to update it, if he comes late we do! We have been working on the paperwork just in case! 

4. Spending time with T & A ! We have went to lunch/dinner multiple times with T and finally had the chance to go out to lunch with A as well! It is so nice to just spend time with them getting to know them both! We have been able to talk/text with T very often and just recently have been able to talk to A more as well! Both of their personalities are similar to ours. We are so excited for our future relationship with them!

Some days I think I am dreaming...How did we get this lucky? Only a couple of months ago I remember praying everyday that we would be found by someone amazing...and boy were our prayers answered! Every time we get in the car after seeing T or A I just think of how lucky we are that these two people are our future son's biological parents. They love him more then anything, and we would NEVER ever deprive our son of that love! It is so easy to picture them in our lives..coming to birthdays, lunch dates, fun days in the park. On top of seeing them in our lives it is so easy to see their families in our lives too! Our son is going to have so much love, and knowing that, we feel so blessed!

4 and 1/2 weeks until we get to meet our son! <3

Baby Gerads Nursery!!

Part of what's been keeping is busy! 

We made the whale canvas, and we are so happy how it turned out ! 

We got this book as a gift from our cousin Tanya and family! It is a book about an adoption story and we can't wait to read it to our little man!  

The Call...wait.. We called??!

It was definitely one of the most exciting days of our lives.

It wasn't what we had expected. We actually didn't get "the call"

Jordan had been contacted on LinkedIn about a job opportunity a month prior to us getting the call. He had been going through interviews and after three different offers from the company we finally rolled the dice and said let's take it. This was an extremely hard decision for us because he loved his current job more than anything, they had great adoption benefits for our family, flexibility and more. Jordan expressed this to his new employer and negotiated similar benefits, which was great for us! This new offer was just too hard to pass up for us, especially knowing our dreams for our future family. 

The morning after we made that decision, Jordan had called me at work to tell me that he had called and accepted the position he had been offered and had also put in his two-week notice at his current company. It was exciting, yet nerve racking! I now had to make the call to tell our adoption worker that our employment had changed and we needed to update our home study, but that did not come up in our conversation at all!

I called our adoption worker and this is how the conversation went..

"Hi, It's Kaylah"

"Hi Kaylah, I was actually just going to call you"

"Really, what for?" (I had assumed it was something about our background check update that we had just sent in.)

"I have a potential birth mother that would like to meet you guys!"

...............................................................................................................................................................

Honestly, I don't remember the rest of the conversation. All I heard, was that someone wanted to meet us. Someone had chosen our profile from the book, liked us and wanted to meet us in person! I felt like I was in a dream! I proceeded to accept the meeting request over the phone, and we scheduled it for the following Thursday. One full week later.

I was on cloud nine. I remember skipping over to my coworkers and telling them all excitedly..and then realizing.. Oh shoot..I should probably call Jordan and tell him! Haha! My brain went so crazy that I forgot to call my husband that definitely deserved to hear the news first! AHH!

I called Jordan and I was sent to voicemail. I figured he couldn't take my call because he just put in his two weeks and was probably in meetings. We talk frequently throughout the day so this was normal. 

He proceeded to text me right away saying "At sushi with coworkers, can I  call you later?"

I texted back, " CALL ME NOW, IT'S URGENT!"

He called immediately and I told him that I had called our adoption worker and explained to him what she said! He was excited, I was excited...It was hard to stay focused at work!

So the truth is, we didn't get the call! We made the call?

Stay tuned to hear about the week leading up to the meeting, and the meeting where we met two amazing people. 

We're MATCHED!!!

We feel so extremely blessed and fortunate to announce to you all that we are OFFICIALLY MATCHED with an amazing birth mother and father and we love them already!

Expected arrival June 2014

It's a boy<333

Stay tuned for the full story of how we met :)

xoxo